Donald Introduces His Legislative Agenda: No.

The White House opens an Office of Things That Will Not Be Happening.

Key Takeaways

• Trump said he could become "Mr. Veto" if Democrats take Congress.
• He also suggested vetoes could eventually lead to negotiated deals.
• A presidential veto can be overridden by two-thirds of those voting in each chamber, with a quorum present.

Political satire. The office, staff, meeting, proposed bills, and dialogue below are invented. Real reporting follows the story.

Donald arrived at the legislative briefing carrying a list of accomplishments. Every line said NO.

An aide asked whether those were completed accomplishments or goals for the coming year. Donald said he liked a document that worked both ways.

"Normally, we discuss what you'd like Congress to pass," she said.

"That sounds like their department."

A very productive morning of preventing things

The new Office of Things That Will Not Be Happening opened at nine. By nine-fifteen, it had prevented a meeting about its opening hours.

Donald was impressed. Government had finally become efficient enough to obstruct itself without waiting for a Democrat.

The director presented the first weekly report. They had rejected fourteen proposals, seven invitations to negotiate, and a delivery of printer paper.

"Why the paper?"

"Potential legislation."

Donald promoted him immediately.

A policy adviser brought up grocery prices. Families, she said, would probably appreciate some progress.

"Have we tried telling them they're wrong?"

"Several times. They keep bringing receipts."

Donald considered the problem. Receipts were documents. Documents were the very thing this office had been established to stop.

"Get me the people who approved receipts."

The contents are not relevant to our decision

A congressional liaison arrived with an idea that might attract support from both parties. Donald asked which party had thought of it first.

The liaison said the idea had developed through conversations.

"So they were talking behind my back."

"They were trying to find common ground."

"Whose ground?"

The aide interrupted before the discussion became a real-estate transaction. Perhaps, she suggested, they could evaluate proposals by whether they helped the public.

Donald agreed that this was an important consideration. He wanted to know whether the public would thank him personally, in writing, before or after receiving the help.

The liaison said that couldn't be guaranteed.

"Then neither can the help."

Negotiations will begin after the victory announcement

The communications team wanted a more positive message. One adviser proposed describing the administration as open to cooperation.

Donald liked that. Cooperation sounded much better than the thing people kept asking him to do.

They drafted an offer: Congress could submit legislation, provided it agreed in advance that every good provision was Donald's idea and every objection demonstrated why Congress was unnecessary.

The liaison asked what happened if lawmakers requested changes.

"They can change their attitude."

What if they had been elected to pursue a different agenda?

"Then they should have thought of that before the election."

An attorney explained that a congressional election could produce a majority with its own priorities. Donald said he respected the constitutional process, but wondered whether it came in a version with fewer other people.

The bridge remains available for discussion

Late in the afternoon, a mayor called about a failing bridge. She needed assistance getting residents safely across the river.

The director asked whether the river was in a Republican district.

"It runs through several districts."

He covered the receiver. This was precisely the kind of bipartisan behavior that made rivers difficult.

The mayor asked when she could expect an answer.

"You've already received our answer. We're working on the announcement."

Donald called the day a success. Nothing had passed, nothing had been conceded, and several people had been reminded who was in charge.

The aide asked what she should tell the public they had accomplished.

He pointed at the list.

"Read it to them."

She read the first line.

"No."

Donald smiled.

"See? You're getting it."

Questions Worth Asking

Did Trump actually use the name Mr. Veto?

Yes, in his Pod Force One interview. Interview reporting

Did he rule out all future agreements?

No. He also said repeated vetoes might lead to deals. Bloomberg

Can Congress override a veto?

Yes. Each chamber needs a two-thirds vote of members voting, with a quorum present. U.S. Senate veto resources

Had Democrats already won Congress when he said this?

No. He was discussing a possible outcome before the November 3 election. Interview reporting

Original political satire by dontcallit.si Editorial.

Related satire: One Dan Sullivan Too Many. Deploy the Federal Government.